What To Do When You Disagree With People You Love

When I was first outed as gay almost 20 years ago (yikes, hard to believe it has been that long), one of the most common responses was, “Meagan, I love you, but I disagree with your lifestyle.” This always left me feeling unsure, unaccepted, and unloved.

As I have evolved and healed over the last two decades, something has become very clear to me: I can’t change people and they can’t change me. In fact, I don’t even want to try to change others because I know what it feels like to be on the other side of that coin.

So, where do we go from there?

Disagreements are a part of life, and they can be especially challenging when they involve the people we hold dear. Whether it's a difference in opinions about politics, parenting, religion, or even what to watch on movie night, navigating these conflicts can be tough. But instead of shying away from the discomfort, we can use these moments as opportunities to deepen our connections. Here are three strategies to help you bridge the gap when you find yourself at odds with someone you love.

1. Stop Agreeing to Disagree

The phrase "let's agree to disagree" might seem like a peaceful resolution, but it often leaves the underlying issues unresolved. Instead of brushing disagreements under the rug, take the time to acknowledge your differences. Accepting that you won't see eye-to-eye can sometimes lead to emotional distance. Instead, engage in a constructive dialogue. Ask open-ended questions and encourage each other to share your perspectives. This can foster understanding and help both parties feel heard. Remember, it’s not about winning an argument; it’s about nurturing your relationship.

2. Name Your Fears

Disagreements often stem from underlying fears. When we clash with loved ones, it can be helpful to identify what’s truly at stake for us. Are we afraid of losing their respect? Do we worry that our values are being challenged? By naming these fears, we can better understand our emotional responses and articulate them to our loved ones. This self-awareness allows us to step back and approach the conversation with empathy rather than defensiveness. When we express our fears openly, we invite others to do the same, creating a safe space for dialogue.

3. Talk About Our Fears

Once we’ve identified our fears, it’s crucial to share them with the people we care about. This step can be challenging but is vital for fostering a genuine connection. When we talk about our fears, we humanize ourselves and our perspectives. This vulnerability can break down walls and encourage our loved ones to open up about their own fears. By sharing, we can find common ground and realize that, despite our disagreements, we are united in our humanity. This connection can transform a potentially divisive conversation into an enriching experience that strengthens our bonds.

Disagreeing with the people we love doesn’t have to be a source of tension. Instead, it can serve as a catalyst for deeper understanding and connection. By choosing not to agree to disagree, naming our fears, and discussing them openly, we can turn conflicts into opportunities for growth. Remember, the goal isn’t to win an argument but to connect on a human level. Embrace these moments as chances to learn more about each other, and you may find that your relationships become even stronger in the process.

After a while, you’ll find that you don’t need validation from everyone because you will be validating yourself and where you are in your evolution. We are all being called to approach relationships differently if we are going to truly get through this “Era of Disconnection.”

We can do it, but it’s going to take a little work - and these steps are a great beginning. Give it a try and lets start bridging the gap.

Meagan O’Nan is a human connection expert, award-winning speaker and author, and has an upcoming TEDx talk titled, “What To Do When You Disagree With People You Love.” To learn more about Meagan’s work in the world: www.meaganonan.com