Years ago, I was deeply hurt by a religious organization and my surrounding community when everyone found out I was gay. That experience led to a lack of faith in others and a spiritual deficit within myself. I didn’t know who I could trust and finding an outlet for my evolving views on God was nearly impossible in the deep South.
When I left Mississippi, I began to discover other ways of thinking, and initially, it was enlightening and comforting. But, as time went on, the religious trauma of my coming out experience caught up. Walking into almost any church made me feel closed off, scared, and self-conscious.
As I grew, the discomfort grew…and I became very aware of it. If I saw or heard a bible verse, I’d cringe inside. For someone who craves a spiritual connection and who wants to be open to all ways of thinking…this has been a hard bridge for me to gap. Likely, one of the hardest.
It’s not that I haven’t developed my own spirituality and discipline over the years, but my heart was so hurt by Christianity that I did not want anything to do with it. It has repulsed me. Now that I am living in Mississippi again, that’s a hard thing to be mad at because it’s everywhere. I’ve learned that where there is such disdain, is an opportunity for healing.
I’ve also learned that healing usually happens when we least expect it.
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